When I started this blog I said that this was the “beta” version because I had no idea where this was going. Now I have tacked on the “2.0” to my blog title as if to say “Sweepy Jean on WordPress” is new and improved. But what am I bringing to the table that is new and improved?
Before I began this blog, I realized that I had closed myself off to who I am and who I want to be. Now, by maintaining this blog and channeling my energies into creative writing, I am living a dream that I once thought was impractical and not worth pursuing. By fighting through my fears in this regard, I am so improved. Writing serves so many purposes and for what I want to do, I have to be emotionally available.
To be a writer is to be an entertainer, which in my view is not necessarily in opposition to art and honesty. The entertainers I admire most are the ones whose hearts are evident.
So, what is it like to spill your guts to strangers on the Web? It’s pretty much the same as it is to spill your guts to people you know: Some can handle it; some–not so much. The real question is: Can I handle it?
It’s tempting to say that it is easier to be candid with strangers, but there have been too many times I have posted on this blog only to have family members take turns tending to me as I quiver in fear, in the fetal position, waiting for the world to end. And it never does.
I recently confessed to a coworker that I had a secret blog. She did not press me for details. “That’s ok,” she said. “We all do.”
The new thing for me is an emerging trust in myself that gets stronger every day as I expand my emotional horizons and live to talk about it. I still consider all possibilities but I don’t need to second guess any more. Whatever I am, whatever I decide, I’m ok with that.
Also, it’s ok that I can’t decide on a different background design…
© Sweepy Jean and Sweepy Jean Explores the (Webby) World, 2010.